NightLife: Sleazy strippers at Teaze-Hers have no rhythm

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In a scene from the film, Tatum was on stage, gyrating sexily to Ginuwine’s 1990s hit Pony while the female audience screamed hysterically.

I thought this is what all male strip clubs in real life were like, but when I went to Teaze-Hers in Rivonia, I was disappointed. The club is the female equivalent of the hugely popular Teazers franchise.

Don’t get me wrong: the guys at Teaze-Hers have killer bodies. Clearly they work hard for those rock-hard abs and Sylvester Stallone circa Rambo arms.

But they’re not the best dancers (no Tatum here). They’re not sensual in any way – it’s all over-the-top pretend-sexy.

The guys approached a table, and bent women over the table, then pretended to hump them from behind. It looked like dogs dry-humping.

Midway through the evening I decided to get into the spirit of things and bought a “body shot” from a dark stud. Odd? Yes, it was very odd.

He laid me out on a table, spread my legs (I was wearing pants) and pretended to – you can guess the rest. Feeling weird and uncomfortable, I laughed hysterically. He then licked salt off my torso, and took a shot of tequila, or something, which he regurgitated into my mouth. Not sexy.

Later, the same stripper came up to me and asked if I had a boyfriend. When I said yes, his response was: “I hope he f*cks you hard”. Charming.

The Teazers franchise slogan might be “The teaze without the sleaze”, but I felt as though I needed to take a hot bath in disinfectant liquid when I left.

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